The Kennedy Assassination - Beyond Conspiracy fragment

Hewpie (1 year ago) Show Hide | Remove
But Jack ruby was left handed. IDIOTS!!!!!

cdddraftsman (1 year ago) Show Hide
Means you must have used your left hand while jerking that message off eh ? :-) Hahahahaha !

ErnestJismheadz (1 year ago) Show Hide | Spam
Tres Spics está en un coche, uno esconde una navaja de muelle y una falsificación tarjeta verde, otro uno que come frijoles y farting por su pantalones de assless, el otro seca su espalda mojada con un sombrero. ¿Quién maneja el coche?

La respuesta: La policía.

[which, according to babelfish, means:
Three Spics is in a car, one hides a switchblade and a falsification green card, another one that eats kidney beans and farting by its trousers of assless, the other drought its back wet with a hat. Who drives the car? The answer: The police.]

Hewpie (1 year ago) Show Hide | Remove
I'm a right sider! IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cdddraftsman (1 year ago) Show Hide | Spam
WTF does that mean ?

Hewpie (1 year ago) Show Hide | Remove
It's like when you make cheese, only faster.

cdddraftsman (1 year ago) Show Hide | Spam
Huh ? Does that mean your jerkadexterous ?

Barney McGroo's Back!

Hi folks... You may have noticed that this blog hasn't had much activity here recently. Well, he's still been around, but you won't have seen much of him here. He hasn't disappeared, he's merely transformed himself into a youtube troll under the name of "Hewpie", upsetting all those billy goats with his trolling antics.
Sadly a number of them have been voted off by disaffected youtube users who spend all their time bitching about who's the biggest fascist, and others have been pulled from youtube, taking their comments with them.
so here we go... here are some of his posts:
I'll get the missing pictures back soon :-)

What would it look like to fall into a black hole?

From New Scientist: What Would it look like to fall into a black hole?

This simulation doesn't seem to have taken into account the red and blue shifts that you would experience. Surely light from the other side would become bluer? And what about light falling on top of you? Will that be blueshifted as well, or will it remain the same - as it's falling with the same energy relative to the observer? Does time slowing down counteract the blueshifting?
Also it would appear different if it was made from the point of view of someone not affected by gravity being held statically at different radii, compared to the point of view of someone dynamically falling into the black hole.
For this we genuinely need a manned space mission to find out - so come on NASA, get your act together and let's launch a mission into the nearest black hole to find out - before China gets there first! Don't forget to include the anti-gravity suits...
I'll certainly volunteer to be your first passenger. Actually I'm a little bit tied up for the time being - I have a friend who does bungee jumping and would gladly take my place...

If Fred Dibnah had demolished The World Trade Center

Fred made his living by demolishing chimneys by shoring up the base with timber and lighting a fire underneath. Someone asked what Fred Dibnah would have made of the World Trade Center collapse, which fired up my twisted imagination:

He would have lit the fire at the bottom, for a start - well he would have got his wife to do it. But he would have made sure it was empty first.
Hey! at this rate in a few decades he'll be reincarnated:
"Eeh op there goes the Empire State - pity I couldn't repair it... eh if I don't do it someone else would have have ta... they aint nor use to anyone these days... an 'undred yurs ago there used to be literally thowsands of em skyscrapers bot most of em are gone now ... sad, eh? Yeh..."

Grand Teton Meteor

This comment seems to have been deleted :-( Thankfully I recorded it :-)
It turned out to be a UFO passing directly over a top secret missile installation. There were power cuts and intense radio and gravimetric interference during and after the sighting and mutilated cattle and deer were found in the area, alongside traces of the short lived radioisotope Bismuth 205.
A news blackout followed so as not to draw attention to the now decommissioned military installation, but documentation has recently surfaced on wikileaks: http://wikileaks.org/wiki/Grand_Teton_UFO

Buzz Aldrin punches guy in the face

Hewpie (1 year ago) Show Hide -6 (look at that! Good trolling here!) Reply | Remove

Just because Buzz Aldrin punched a man who claims he didn't land on the moon does nothing to prove that he actually did land on the moon.
All you man-not-landing-on-the-moon denier skeptics go back to your rocket fantasy land with your cretinous debunking claims and your oh so superior "understanding" of shadows and cameras. Were you there? No! Can you prove the moon landings? No!
No wonder Bart Sibrel couldn't get a straight answer from him...

Nebzz (1 year ago) Show Hide +1 Reply | Spam

Just because you don't understand the science behind traveling to the moon doesn't mean it was faked.

Go back to watching your conspiracy videos.

funcuz (1 year ago) Show Hide +2 Reply | Spam

Thankfully for us , that's now how science (or courtrooms for that matter) work. It's been said that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Well that's the thing isn't it ? We have moon rocks. Easily proved by anyone with the equipment and the expertise. We had the technology at the time. We have a trail of money that leads right to what we already know it did. In fact, 'believers' have everything they need to prove their case. Do the disbelievers ? If they do, show us.

Hewpie (1 year ago) Show Hide -1 Reply | Remove

Yes and that's how science brought us Project Orion - the nuclear bomb powered spaceship that also left a trail of money. DId that go to the moon? NO!! There are moon rocks on Antarctica, where did they come from??? the moon?!!
What do you need evidence for to believe something? what to PROVE it? Look in your pudding, IDIOT!!!!

Charlie Brooker on My Sweet 16

Hewpie (1 year ago) Show Hide -6 Reply | Remove
She was perfectly right to be pissed off about the car being delivered early. Charlie Brooker- you should lay off the poor girl - you obviously don't understand her dilemma, do you? How would like it if you had all your presents to your birthday party delivered early, Charlie? Eh? Eh? and then some whingeing cynical presenter started spouting off all his bile about it? Put yourself in HER shoes!!!
Dumb Brits! Who won the War of Independence? Who saved your fat arse from two world wars??? and a

s45w (1 year ago) Show Hide +1 Reply | Spam
i dont kno if this is guna reply or just comment to "HEWPIE" but here we go. you abstolute[sic] fucknig[sic] idiot,,[sic] spoilt fucking american getting there own way like always and fucking not happy after. she just fucking goh[sic] a $.67,000 [sic] lexus, and wingeing, fucking brat where i live for your birthday when you can drive you dnt [sic] get a car you get lessons and earn your own money for the car and we live with it

FidoDido1980 (1 year ago) Show Hide 0 Reply | Spam
Are you being ironic? I mean, siding with this dipshit girl? You can't be serious...
I'm actually serious, btw; I don't know if you're sarky or not.

42778903 (1 year ago) Show Hide 0 Reply | Spam
HEWPIE FUCK OFF! some kids out there dont get bloody presents for their birthday so getting a $67000 car a day early and whinging is petty and selfish! Btw if you want to to talk political history about you so called nation and ours then I wouldn't even bother seeing as it was us that practically inevented your country and it was europe that gave you a nation when yours was falling to pieces. Idiot.

shenanigan55 (1 year ago) Show Hide 0 Reply | Spam
I'm not overly sure but i think he was being sarcastic.

Culinary Inspiration

Three and a half day matured brûléed Marlborough cigarillos garnished with fresh rocket salad with a soupçon of chilled embers and a dash of barley malt ale.

Guardian Adverts

I was absolutely furious to find the Guardian was squandering valuable advertising space in it's gossip column so I grabbed a felt tipped pen and made up my own adverts:

Steradent Smile




Swarfega Beauty



Nice Cuppa

Breaking the Law

As the smoking ban came into force England on 1st July, many people found themselves breaking the law. Here's the first ever smoker to break the law with a rollup in a pub.

World's smallest spider

This is the world's smallest spider at only 12x16 pixels.
See more tiddly things here

Badly Drawn Rabbit

Badly drawn frog: “hello”
Badly drawn rabbit: “hello there!”
Badly drawn frog: “how are you?”
Badly drawn rabbit: “bit crap today”
Badly drawn frog: “Badly drawn again?”
Badly drawn rabbit: “ >sigh <”

Animals at War

In a bid to gain a foothold on The War Against Terror the US military have been fluffing up the percieved enemy by deploying animals against them:


1: The carpet bombing of Tora Bora caves with lemmings, who instinctively prevent overpopulation of their habitats by throwing themselves from high places. A simple modification to bomb bay doors of the B52 stratofortress allows the lemmings to leap staight from their burrows and on to the target below.
In December 2001 this tactic proved successful by 'softening up' the Taliban which lead directly to their defeat.



2: The Squirrel Missile- the grey squirrel is considered a pest particularly in areas where it is outcompeting the native red squirrel. One way of reducing their impact on the ecosystem is to fire them from surface-to-air rocket launchers, whereupon they home in on their targets and outbreed the enemy.


Even the humble duckling did not escape the hawkish gaze from the Pentagon. Tests proved that the duckling wasn't so resilient to the high g-forces experienced from launching, which negatively affected the accuracy of the guidence control system. The project was scrapped after a duckling dispute between the Pentagon and Lockheed Martin turned ugly (no pun intended).


The mating display of the peacock caused great excitement amongst components of U.S. Central Command's war planning department.

Pyongyang Valentine

Flobby-mops glod!

Dipsy Dovey flobby-mops veebed a flungle of bingsy tollorists. They bleyed poor Dovey with glooble dwods until he glod to bleth in rensive claire. "Mub a dobble klob squilling" said a breener mamptive - "Slap mipping flobby mobs noo no now!"

Vug chobba tenner frabby phthority until next diggla.

Hanging around in the garden

Tiny Bob looks bored while Janet shows off her shapely figure. Phwooar!

Right & Wrong Discovered!

The distinction between right and wrong could not have been contrasted more starkly by these two wooly jumpers. It is believed that the perpertrator of the "wrong" jumper is at large (or should we say at XX large???) and is believed to be hiding behind a Dolce and Gabbana polo neck sweater.

Mentalistalistical

It just so happens that I met Hannibal Lector's third cousin twice removed. Please don't eat my liver!

Adolph Hitler renounces Nazism

And grows a beard... Jawohl mein fürher, man!

The Origins of Rap

It is a well known fact that rap music started as 'wrap' music (it's a wrap, Christo's Reichtag wrap, enchilada wrap, bubble wrap, kinky cling-film wrap, wrap of speed).

Now wrap music his being taken over by so called 'scrap' music, Tupac Mature is selling off vast swathes of vacuum formed tupperware lyrics.

I can't for the life of me...

..work out what this plug is for. If any of you fellows have any idea, gizza shout...

ta.

Normalised Jocelyne Wildenstein

Most billionaire's wives use plastic surgery in order to make themselves appear more beautiful. Not Jocelyne Wildenstein... Oh no... Apparently she underwent the surgeon's knife to make her look more like a cat.
Believe you me, it was quite a challenge warping her face back to normal, and I got quite a fright when I compared it with the original, believe you me...

Rocket assisted washing line

This washing line uses a rocket to dry your clothes. It's perfectly simple - attach one end of the line to the rocket and the other end to nothing. Coach-bolt your clothes to the washing line, light the blue touch paper, stand back and watch the rocket shoot skywards at hypersonic speeds. The combination of hot rocket exhaust, supersonic airflow and sub-orbital vacuum will dry your clothes faster and more efficiently than any tumble drier I ever saw.

Another pint eats lead

Ale rights protesters attempted to stymie a recent cull of warm, frothy bitters.

'My grail is to fail the sale of pale ale till i'm stale in Jail' wailed Abigail Smail.

Alien weapons of mass destruction found

Obedient Maddy awaits approach of mothership. 'It all sounds very real' the dazed star victim mumbled. 'Aaaarrghh! They're in the fridge!' she retorted under interrogation.

And still they came!

Alex sets snout on fire

Al flaunted a recent smoking ban by going on cigarette lighting spree. When questioned by the police he peacefully protested with the words 'Equal rights for BADGERS!!!'

He admitted fault by saying to the judge 'Geoff made me do it!!!'

The hearing continues...

The USB Bike Light

Plug this in to you're laptop and off you go, you pedal powered geek! This is you have been waiting for: the USB powered bicycle light. It has the advantage over conventional bike lights in that as well as the continuous beam and flashing modes, it's configuration of 5 bulbs can be programmed to flash out the processor speed, cooling fan noise (in decibels), nearest availiable wifi/bluetooth devices, geographical location, and ideal cadence.

Teflon Blu-Tack

We call the blue sticky stuff that you use to attach posters to walls "Blu Tack". The stuff they coat non-stick frying pans is called "Teflon". Nothing sticks to it. Teflon Blu-Tack is a product that provides the benefits of both with none of the side effects. No greasy marks left on posters and no need to use special nylon spatulas to turn your eggs over.
Anything you try to stick in place just fall away. That model you are trying to hold together while the glue dries will simply disintegrate. The paper clip holder you have been trying to attach to your desk will effortlessly glide off. NASA is considering using it instead of explosive bolts because of it's less dramatic failure modes (although the same engineer who proposed the idea also expressed concern of its lack of "success mode").

Dave, they're called "Witches Knickers"

I've been submitting ideas to your "Genius" page without much luck, and I've just been reminded that the tattered plastic bags in trees are called "Witches Knickers" (see previous post). I still can't think of how to get rid of them, so I'll leave this one to my fellow commenteers.

Well, all you weary internet travellers, you have one more thing to do before leaving this page: think of how to get rid of "witches knickers" and leave it below as a comment. Any ideas will do - after leaving it as a comment below you might want to send it in to Dave Gorman's "Genius" page afterwards. Goood luck!

Death and Philosophy

Remind me to save a copy of this comment I made on this heart-warming cartoon about death: Death's Night Out

How and why did he kill Pete? Why are his hands floating in mid-air? Why does it go silent when Dave's meant to be talking? Who is Dave? What happens next? What does it say about the consequences of our own mortality? How does this relate to Heidegger's phenomenological assertion of ontological anxiety being an existential understanding of ceasing-to-be?
I just don't get it... It simply asks more questions than are answered.
Can you see where I'm coming from?

Barney |
08.04.05 - 4:47 pm |

how and why? he cant remember
his hands float by magic
you cant hear dave cos hes on the phone
daves his mate
it has no connection with Heidegger's phenomenological assertion of ontological anxiety being an existential understanding of ceasing-to-be.

i hope this has helped
cun*

mr wheatley |
08.14.05 - 6:02 pm |

Air Hair Layer

Claire the fair haired heir to the pair of millionaire bears dared to share her rare chair at the fair, where there were spare squares for the affair.

Bluetooth toothbrush

Do you have a blue toothbrush? Most people will have used one in their lives.
Do you have Bluetooth? This is a wireless communication method made entirely for random people to plop random pictures of their random girlfriends on your mobile phone without you knowing, for you to find at an embarrassing juncture in the future.
What about a bluetooth brush? This could be a little brush for cleaning your bluetooth terminals, BUT as they are not needed because bluetooth works by wireless and has no electrical contacts, it can only be a brush linked wirelessly to your mobile phone so that you can communicate with the business end of the brush whilst you are sweeping the leaves off your patio. Taking it a step further: what about the bluetooth toothbrush? If you have bluetooth sensors installed in your fillings then the toothbrush can communicate with the teeth that transmit data on their status and how much more cleaning is needed on each one, the concentration of toothpaste and vigouousness of the cleaning action.
This data is retransmitted to the nearest high speed wireless network to a central computer hub that stores, processes and redistruibutes the of the status of every tooth in every mouth fitted with this system. Once the national population has been assimilated, dentists will be rioting on The Strand with unused drills because their jobs will be worthless, and headlights on cars will be redundant because of everyone's dazzling smiles.
Naturally the bluetooth toothbrushes will be available in blue to get the blue bluetooth toothbrush.
Some obsessives need to brush their toothbrushes before (and after!) they've brushed their teeth with a toothbrush brush, and with a colour matched pair you could quite conceivably get the blue bluetooth toothbrush brush!

Laser death mirror ball

Borrow a megawatt laser from your local fusion lab and shine it's beam at the spinning mirror ball in a crowded nightclub. Observe those ephemeral spots turn into deadly power cutters instantaneously slicing through everything in their paths, turning happy e-thrilled party ravers into finely sliced chorizo ham! Televise your laugher at the subsequent collapse of the mirror ball industry from your cave, you sick psycho nutface!

Air lavatory for fish

Think of a toilet with a cistern and a bowl and a stopc0ck and imagine it under the sea or in a big tank of water. Now turn it upside down so the cistern is at the bottom and the porcelain is at the top. Now with your imagination fill the cistern with compressed air so that it sinks the stopcock and cuts off the flow of air. A great big puffer fish comes along and farts below the bowl and the gasses bubble up into the bowl. It then uses it's flipper to pull the flush, opens the valve to let the air in the cistern cascade down the pipe and flush all the fart over the u-bend and up a pipe into the air above. This air can then tapped off and marketed to the hyperventilating Japanese, as a kind of "air sushi", and sold throughout health food farms all over the world.

Soluble Socks

You put them in the wash and they vanish! Guaranteed to completely dissolve in both biological and non-biological washing powders.
Save hours of searching the bottom drawer for that elusive sock which you know has been washed away. Available in pairs.

Have any of you tried to get an idea published and not succeeded?

I have. I got doofed by Dave Gorman's "Genius" page on the Radio 4 web site (see Genius ).

My ideas included (ideas I might add, which are potentially lucrative, which involved lifetimes of dedicated research, which were inspired by one off lightning bolts from God him/herself) (Did I get a reply? did I? hunh? I think you can answer that for yourself(ves!)?)

So here we go here's my brain spillage:

1) A machine that changes things.
It is endowed with the ability to sense things that need to change and, with various motors and pipes, will implement often subtle but necessary changes to it's surroundings.
For instance if placed in a field full of land mines, it would use it's feng shui database to clear it.

2) Time powered machine
How about a device that's actually powered the time component of the space-time continuum itself. As time progresses, a series of highly efficient temporal energy extractors provide power for processors or actuators to display the time on a digital counter or numbered dial according to how many minutes, days, hours, or seconds have passed.

3) Tree bag extractor
Do you know, Dave, just between you and me: what should be done about plastic bags that end up in trees as straggly tatters? I had a brainwave about it the other day but I didn't write it down. Can I get back to you when I've thought it through and remembered it properly?
Cheers, Hugh

4) 'Bookture'
Excuse my ignorance but they put pictures in books, but why don't they put books in pictures?
The "Bookture" is, you've guessed it - a book and a picture combined. A specially converted frame allows the pages to be turned via an ultra-compact flanged ratchet mechanism.
No need to hurry through a book turning page after page trying to get to the end as quickly as possible. Just stick it on a wall and read a word or a sentence or even a paragraph completely at your leisure whilst perusing around your house and gandering at your picture collection.
No need to squint at a piece of abstract art trying to interpret it's meaning through it's abtruse and raciondite symbolic language - the page says it all–in plain english!
Throw away all your pictures, burn all your books and buy a "bookture"! One for the bathroom, two for the stairway, three for each bedroom, that's twelve, four for the living room-you won't need the TV- that's sixteen, and you could have a cookery bookture in the kitchen, that's seventeen! And let's say £45 each, that's going to cost you, ooooh, £765, I'll knock it down to £700, for you, Dave, I'll bring them round tomorrow, yeah?

Have you had any ideas that you've tried to send into Dave Gorman's "Genius") page? and failed? Why not stick it here? I don't mind taking the credit, if it's significant enough... Go on, send it in. Give it a good airing on my friendly Blog page!

Good day all you folks.

This is my test blog. Which means I am going to test a number of ideas.