Animals at War

In a bid to gain a foothold on The War Against Terror the US military have been fluffing up the percieved enemy by deploying animals against them:


1: The carpet bombing of Tora Bora caves with lemmings, who instinctively prevent overpopulation of their habitats by throwing themselves from high places. A simple modification to bomb bay doors of the B52 stratofortress allows the lemmings to leap staight from their burrows and on to the target below.
In December 2001 this tactic proved successful by 'softening up' the Taliban which lead directly to their defeat.



2: The Squirrel Missile- the grey squirrel is considered a pest particularly in areas where it is outcompeting the native red squirrel. One way of reducing their impact on the ecosystem is to fire them from surface-to-air rocket launchers, whereupon they home in on their targets and outbreed the enemy.


Even the humble duckling did not escape the hawkish gaze from the Pentagon. Tests proved that the duckling wasn't so resilient to the high g-forces experienced from launching, which negatively affected the accuracy of the guidence control system. The project was scrapped after a duckling dispute between the Pentagon and Lockheed Martin turned ugly (no pun intended).


The mating display of the peacock caused great excitement amongst components of U.S. Central Command's war planning department.