Monday, July 30, 2007
Guardian Adverts
I was absolutely furious to find the Guardian left some blank columns in it's gossip section, which could have been used for valuable advertising, so I grabbed a felt tipped pen and made up my own adverts:
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Badly Drawn Rabbit
Badly drawn frog: “hello”
Badly drawn rabbit: “hello there!”
Badly drawn frog: “how are you?”
Badly drawn rabbit: “bit crap today”
Badly drawn frog: “Badly drawn again?”
Badly drawn rabbit: “ >sigh <”
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Animals at War
In a bid to gain a foothold on The War Against Terror the US military have been softening up the percieved enemy by deploying fluffy animals against them:
1: The carpet bombing of Tora Bora caves with lemmings, who instinctively prevent overpopulation of their habitats by throwing themselves from high places. A simple modification to bomb bay doors of the B52 stratofortress allows the lemmings to leap staight from their burrows and on to the target below.
In December 2001 this tactic proved successful by 'softening up' the Taliban which lead directly to their defeat.
2: The Squirrel Missile- the grey squirrel is considered a pest particularly in areas where it is outcompeting the native red squirrel. One way of reducing their impact on the ecosystem is to fire them from surface-to-air rocket launchers, whereupon they home in on their targets and outbreed the enemy.
1: The carpet bombing of Tora Bora caves with lemmings, who instinctively prevent overpopulation of their habitats by throwing themselves from high places. A simple modification to bomb bay doors of the B52 stratofortress allows the lemmings to leap staight from their burrows and on to the target below.
In December 2001 this tactic proved successful by 'softening up' the Taliban which lead directly to their defeat.
2: The Squirrel Missile- the grey squirrel is considered a pest particularly in areas where it is outcompeting the native red squirrel. One way of reducing their impact on the ecosystem is to fire them from surface-to-air rocket launchers, whereupon they home in on their targets and outbreed the enemy.
Even the epitome of cuteness, the humble duckling did not escape the hawkish gaze from the Pentagon. Tests proved that the duckling wasn't so resilient to the high g-forces experienced from launching, and by the time it reached it's destination the cuteness had been ablated off by the hypersonic re-entry and the result was a rather ugly duckling.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
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